


Trying to Forget You, Babe (I Fall Back Down)

by narryworks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hate Sex, M/M, Smut, angsty, i think its angst, poorly written but its there, that ends up turning to less hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:26:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narryworks/pseuds/narryworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"he doesn't deserve to see him like that, not again. See him at his weakest and at his most vulnerable- trust him to see his broken pieces and fit him back together like he used to so many times, until it was him that broke him into a thousand pieces and then left him on the floor to fit together with vodka and one night stands that sort of made him feel like he was worth something,"</p>
<p>OR Niall turns up on Harry's doorstep months after leaving him behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying to Forget You, Babe (I Fall Back Down)

**Author's Note:**

> heavily influenced by tove lo's stay high and me being sad
> 
> catch me on [](http://narryworks.tumblr.com/>tumblr</a>)

"Harry,"

He's standing there with tears in his eyes, wearing the apology on his face so clearly that it almost looks like he means it, like everything that went wrong was just a phase and that it could all be fixed just by how he's wearing his eyes right now. Just by how he's standing on his doorstep with some cheap tacky flowers in his hand like some meaningless attempt at an apology could just solve everything that went wrong between them.

Like the past year of Harry fucking up his lungs with cigarettes, ruining his mind with drugs and burning his throat until it hurt to breathe, all in some poor attempt to try and erase his name from his mind, meant nothing. Like it didn't mean a thing. Living days barely getting by, wanting to ignore the traffic lights, ignore all the warning signs, ignore the little voice and just do _anything_  to forget his fucking name but he couldn't because it was burnt into his mind and it's still burnt there, still engrained into his skull and he can never get rid of it, can't burn it off with flames and smoke, with drink and pain. It's engrained onto his brain, onto his heart, everywhere he looks and he can't escape it.

All the days of fake highs, all the inhales of denser air, swallowing his regret in shot glasses and meaningless sex. Fucking anyone who would have him, just doing anything to try and fill the piece of his heart that was missing since he left and he thinks he can turn up on his doorstop, turn up 118 days after it all went wrong. Turn on up ontheir _anniversary_  and expect it to all be fine, expect it all to be okay, expect _him_ to be okay.

He has to force himself back to the moment, getting lost in memories and the blackouts from just trying to forget him, to forget he was missing him.

"Get out."

It's all he can choke out, all his voice can manage and if he says anything else, everything running through his mind will spill onto his cheeks and he doesn't deserve to see him like that, not again. See him at his weakest and at his most vulnerable- trust him to see his broken pieces and fit him back together like he used to so many times, until it was him that broke him into a thousand pieces and then left him on the floor to fit together with vodka and one night stands that sort of made him feel like he was worth something, like someone loved him until they left again, like everyone does.

It all falls apart when he see's him running his mouth, seeing his lips move and not hearing the words coming out, doesn't even bother to pretend he's listening. Opts for letting himself see red, see the colour that's been pouring out of him all this time, lets himself have this chance to be angry, to be hurt, to be fucking broken like he has been since Niall left him.

Taking all he can to scream at the top of his lungs "get the fuck out,", trying to scream it loud enough that Niall will fall down to his knees and beg for his forgiveness so he can tell him that he will never get his sympathy, never get his acceptance and it will never be okay.

  
Niall's rambling and that's when Harry turns against himself, bites down all the wrong he knows that this is and grabs Niall by the front of his shirt and slams his own mouth on Niall's, more pain than pleasure and it stings and it hurts and it's exactly what he needs, needs to let it hurt, needs it to sting and burn and ache.

Losing himself in the few seconds before tugging Niall into his house and slamming him back onto his door and grabbing him by the throat before pushing himself back against Niall's mouth with too much force and with his hand a little too tight, letting himself groan and mumble into Niall's mouth about how much he hates him and how much he hurt him and that he will never forgive him and Niall is taking it. Taking every piece of Harry he can get.

"Get on the sofa." Harry spits it out and Niall walks too slowly to the sofa, so Harry pushes him and lets him fall onto it, instead. Unbuckling his belt and pulling down his trousers in such little time before he has his hand on the back of Niall's head pulling him towards his dick, not letting Niall lick over him and tease like he used to, nothing like how it used to be. Just stupid quick sex, just something to make it sting a little less.   
Niall hollowing his cheeks and letting Harry's cock hit the back of his throat and choking around him and Harry not letting up, taking a fistful of hair in each hand and fucking into Niall's mouth. He's got Niall's eyes looking up to him, his shiny fucking eyes staring at Harry with his mouth stretched around Harry's stupidly big cock and he's just letting Harry fuck into his throat. Starting slowly so Niall can feel each thrust and pull back, feel it all inside of his mouth and doing his best to breathe through his nose and let his throat take all of Harry.

It's not long before Harry starts quickening his pace, speeding up until he's relentlessly fucking into Niall's mouth and every couple of thrusts has Niall choking and Harry's so close that he can feel it, feel himself filling up with it. So, he pulls out. Let's Niall lean back and rub his eyes and breathe as deep as he can before Harry's pushing him so he's laying down on the sofa and pulling at the bottom of his jeans, his ridiculously tight jeans that make Harry's skinny jeans look like sweatpants and he's pulling off his boxers, his socks. Letting Niall take initiative to pull off his top on his own.

Harry stands back and looks over Niall, his own eyes still looking glassy from earlier and it's been so long since he's seen Niall like this, seconds away from taking his cock and seeing him come undone beneath him.

He makes quick work of his own clothes before he's rubbing his fingers over Niall's mouth, letting Niall take them into his mouth. Not precise or pretty or with any sense of rhythm, just running his tongue over them to get them as wet as he can. Make them so they're dripping with his spit.   
Harry pulls them out not long after and pushes Niall towards the kitchen and makes him lean against the counter, practically still standing when he circles Niall's rim with his wet finger before pushing it in and working in and out of Niall. Not enough to make Niall make any noise but enough to make him breathe deeper and concentrate on the feeling, but Harry hopes it hurts. At least a little.

Harry works his way up way too quickly, stretching Niall around two fingers and then three before he's pulling out completely and spinning Niall round and hoisting him up to sit him on the counter. Pulling his ass forward so he can see his hole and Niall leaning back with his head a little uncomfortably on the cupboards above him and his back is already aching but he doesn't say or do anything.   
Harry moves forward and places a hand on Niall's hip and uses his other to guide his dick towards Niall.

It all hits him then, he's about to fuck Niall. About to fuck him like he used to do so much, and he goes a little slower. Pushes in inch by inch, not forcing himself into Niall and making him stretch around him so quickly that it hurts, not wanting to put Niall in pain, just to make his heart hurt, make his eyes sting. Make him feel anything that Harry's felt.

He bottoms out with a hum from Niall. An enclosed moan that Harry's not sure Niall wanted him to hear before he sets a pace, not slow but still steady. Not saying anything, the only noises coming from him and Niall, the little grunts and groans that they can't help.

Niall still feels tight around Harry and he can't get enough of it, nothing feeling better than fucking Niall and it's still his favourite thing to do even when he doesn't get to do it.

He speeds up a bit later, forcefully ramming into Niall, but it's not hateful or vengeful like how he planned, not an attempt to make Niall writhe and scream under him, just enough to make it feel as good as it can for Niall and enough to chase his own release.

He reaches down and grabs Niall's dick when his stomach starts getting the familiar feeling and with a few seconds of him working his wrist over Niall's dick, he comes over his stomach and chest with a low groan and it doesn't take Harry long to follow him after he clenches around him. Pulling out of Niall and wanking himself off until he's adding to the mess on Niall's stomach with a grunt.

And then he can't look Niall in the eyes. He doesn't know what to do with himself. Suddenly feeling like his own weight is too much for him to carry and his eyelids are weighing down like sheets of metal on his eyes, and he just trudges off into his bedroom, leaving Niall on his own to jump down from the counter, to compose himself and just leaving him behind, like Niall left him behind.

He finds a pair of boxers in his drawer and pulls them on, grabs another pair and hands them to Niall after he appears at the door, must've followed Harry. Niall taking them and pacing into Harry's bathroom to clean himself off, and Harry isn't sure what's going on or what they're doing but he just really needs to lay down. So, he gets into his bed and lays on his side- faces away from the door.   
Niall paces in a few seconds later behind his back, clean chest and boxers on and he climbs into the bed behind Harry and throws an arm around him. They still fit,

It's quiet for a few minutes, just breaths and racing minds before Niall mutters "I missed you," followed after a few more minutes of Harry trying to keep his cheeks dry with a "I still love you."

And Harry doesn't hate him enough to tell him to leave.

  
Niall's gone when Harry wakes up.


End file.
